diff --git a/upub/core/src/traits/process.rs b/upub/core/src/traits/process.rs
index 94cb40be..3b197474 100644
--- a/upub/core/src/traits/process.rs
+++ b/upub/core/src/traits/process.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 use apb::{target::Addressed, Activity, Base, Object};
-use sea_orm::{sea_query::Expr, ActiveValue::{NotSet, Set}, ColumnTrait, Condition, DatabaseTransaction, EntityTrait, QueryFilter};
+use sea_orm::{sea_query::Expr, ActiveValue::{NotSet, Set}, ColumnTrait, Condition, DatabaseTransaction, EntityTrait, QueryFilter, QuerySelect, SelectColumns};
 use crate::{ext::{AnyQuery, LoggableError}, model, traits::{fetch::Pull, Fetcher, Normalizer}};
 
 #[derive(Debug, thiserror::Error)]
@@ -121,15 +121,37 @@ pub async fn follow(ctx: &crate::Context, activity: impl apb::Activity, tx: &Dat
 		.ok_or(ProcessorError::Incomplete)?;
 	let usr = ctx.fetch_user(activity.object().id()?, tx).await?;
 	let activity_model = ctx.insert_activity(activity, tx).await?;
-	let relation_model = crate::model::relation::ActiveModel {
-		internal: NotSet,
-		accept: Set(None),
-		activity: Set(activity_model.internal),
-		follower: Set(source_actor_internal),
-		following: Set(usr.internal),
-	};
-	crate::model::relation::Entity::insert(relation_model)
-		.exec(tx).await?;
+
+	if let Some(relation) = crate::model::relation::Entity::find()
+		.filter(crate::model::relation::Column::Follower.eq(source_actor_internal))
+		.filter(crate::model::relation::Column::Following.eq(usr.internal))
+		.select_only()
+		.select_column(crate::model::relation::Column::Internal)
+		.into_tuple::<i64>()
+		.one(tx)
+		.await?
+	{
+		// already requested, update pending row
+		crate::model::relation::Entity::update_many()
+			.col_expr(crate::model::relation::Column::Activity, Expr::value(Some(activity_model.internal)))
+			.filter(crate::model::relation::Column::Internal.eq(relation))
+			.exec(tx)
+			.await?;
+
+	} else {
+
+		// new follow request, make new row
+		let relation_model = crate::model::relation::ActiveModel {
+			internal: NotSet,
+			accept: Set(None),
+			activity: Set(activity_model.internal),
+			follower: Set(source_actor_internal),
+			following: Set(usr.internal),
+		};
+		crate::model::relation::Entity::insert(relation_model)
+			.exec(tx).await?;
+	}
+
 	tracing::info!("{} wants to follow {}", activity_model.actor, usr.id);
 	Ok(())
 }
@@ -147,9 +169,18 @@ pub async fn accept(ctx: &crate::Context, activity: impl apb::Activity, tx: &Dat
 
 	let activity_model = ctx.insert_activity(activity, tx).await?;
 
+	let follower = crate::model::actor::Entity::ap_to_internal(&follow_activity.actor, tx)
+		.await?
+		.ok_or(ProcessorError::Incomplete)?;
+	let following = crate::model::actor::Entity::ap_to_internal(&activity_model.actor, tx)
+		.await?
+		.ok_or(ProcessorError::Incomplete)?;
+
 	crate::model::relation::Entity::update_many()
 		.col_expr(crate::model::relation::Column::Accept, Expr::value(Some(activity_model.internal)))
-		.filter(crate::model::relation::Column::Activity.eq(follow_activity.internal))
+		.col_expr(crate::model::relation::Column::Activity, Expr::value(Some(follow_activity.internal)))
+		.filter(crate::model::relation::Column::Follower.eq(follower))
+		.filter(crate::model::relation::Column::Following.eq(following))
 		.exec(tx).await?;
 
 	crate::model::actor::Entity::update_many()
@@ -157,7 +188,7 @@ pub async fn accept(ctx: &crate::Context, activity: impl apb::Activity, tx: &Dat
 			crate::model::actor::Column::FollowingCount,
 			Expr::col(crate::model::actor::Column::FollowingCount).add(1)
 		)
-		.filter(crate::model::actor::Column::Id.eq(&follow_activity.actor))
+		.filter(crate::model::actor::Column::Internal.eq(follower))
 		.exec(tx)
 		.await?;
 	crate::model::actor::Entity::update_many()
@@ -165,7 +196,7 @@ pub async fn accept(ctx: &crate::Context, activity: impl apb::Activity, tx: &Dat
 			crate::model::actor::Column::FollowersCount,
 			Expr::col(crate::model::actor::Column::FollowersCount).add(1)
 		)
-		.filter(crate::model::actor::Column::Id.eq(&follow_activity.actor))
+		.filter(crate::model::actor::Column::Internal.eq(following))
 		.exec(tx)
 		.await?;